Now that we have gone through the process of downsizing from our big home into a small urban apartment it seems that’s all anyone wants to talk about. All my baby boomer clients, anyone that follows my blog and all my friends tell me they are so impressed with what we have accomplished. They say they too plan on to downsizing within the next couple of years but get overwhelmed just thinking about it.
Since it is (mostly) behind us, I can sum up the process of downsizing in two words…downsizing sucks! It’s a TON of work and seriously, the single most difficult thing I have ever done and that includes chemo. The process is obviously different for everyone, but for me, a collector of all things beautiful and meaningful, getting rid of things was at times downright painful. Imagine lining up all your friends and saying, okay, I love you all but there is no longer room in my life to stay in contact with all of you. I am going to choose ten of you to remain in my life. To the rest… “it’s been nice knowing you..sayonara!”
Downsizing is different for everyone and to some it’s moving from 5000 sq ft to 2800 sq ft. What my husband and I did though I would call extreme downsizing. We are now living in less than 30% of our previous space, just over 1000 sq ft. The biggest lesson I learned is that downsizing is definitely a process and the more time you give yourself for the transition the less traumatic it will be. We also found there are three distinct phases in the downsizing process.
1.The first phase of downsizing is relatively easy. It feels great to get rid of old junk and to sell or donate household items, dated furniture, old sports equipment, linens and no longer worn clothes. Trip after trip to drop off items to various charities made me feel happy and lighter every time.
2.The second phase of downsizing is harder (much harder). A baby bassinet that had been in our family for over a hundred years (tossed, no one wanted it), antique furniture passed down from my parents and my husband’s parents (donated or sold for pennies on the dollar), my husband’s prized collection of over 600 record albums including many rare live recordings (sold for next to nothing), ceramics and artwork dating back to daycare years with my children’s hand prints and handwritten sentiments like “best mommy in the world” (tossed…sorry kids) it all went. It is true what everyone says, once it’s gone you really don’t miss it but it’s hard to let it go none the less.
Now for the ugly truth:
3. The third phase of downsizing is where we have stalled (failed). This phase involves getting rid of the most “valuable” or meaningful items you own, mainly, the family heirlooms. In our case it’s things like my grandfather’s World War I medical kit (he was a doctor during the war and served on the front lines). It’s oil paintings done by my artist grandmother, it’s a large sextant that was used to navigate the boat that brought my great grandfather from Scotland to Prince Edward Island, it’s family photo albums from the turn of the century and antique blue and white china from my husband’s grandmother….the list goes on and on. Over the years my husband and I have become the caretakers of all these family heirlooms.
This is a portrait of my mother when she was three years old painted by her uncle. I have the bracelet she is wearing with the three pearls on it. My grandfather added a new pearl for each birthday until she turned seven when the great depression hit and he lost all his money. It’s desperately needs to be cleaned and is not our style but I also can’t imagine getting rid of it.
Treasures are different for everyone but I guarantee when you downsize you will have items you simply aren’t ready to let go of. These treasures have huge value to us but sadly little to no value to anyone else. We tried out an online auction site and gave them a $700 signed vintage art print that we gifted ourselves on our tenth wedding anniversary. Here is a photo of the commission check.
In case you can’t read that number on the check it is sixty cents! Yup, our much loved framed and signed art print sold for one dollar.
So I’m coming clean to everyone who says how impressed they are with what we did. My dirty little secret is that we have not one but TWO storage lockers full of family heirlooms and things we simply don’t know what to do with. My kids might want some of it someday but they have no interest in it now and no space in their tiny Boston apartments. Now in fairness to us, one of the units is very small and almost empty and we have given ourselves a deadline of Sept to clear it out completely. The second one though seems like there is no clean out date in sight. There has to be an end though because everyday with these units feels like a loudly ticking clock and every month the storage fees are equal to a new car payment. As much as it’s causing me stress to store these items I am equally as stressed and conflicted about getting rid of these family memories. Sadly, there are no other family members to give them to beyond our immediate family.
So now that I’ve shared my ugly secret I would love to hear from you. Have you downsized? if so, was it easy or challenging. What did you do with your family heirlooms?
(side note: I’ve read Marie Kondo’s books about “tidying up” and many more downsizing articles so I am well aware of what the experts say so please don’t tell me to take a photo of it and “thank it” for being in my life).
Holy cow, Linda! I wish I was at your yard sale! That must have been hella hard. My current home is 2500 square feet. It’s not th home that’s high maintenance so much but the gardens and the yard. I dread ever leaving it. I hope you’re happy in your new digs and your life is filled with new and exciting adventures.
Thanks so much Darla. We never did have a yard sale but people were swarming around our car as we were unloading at the Habitat for Haumanity Restore. It was like a feeding frenzy!
Oh Linda, what you were describing is my personal nightmare. I have always been a collector and love so many things for the memories in their history, even if their history is not my own! I cannot imagine how difficult this is been for you, I know it would be completely overwhelming for me. I know there has to be a balance, I know people say you don’t want to leave this for your kids to have to deal with, but holymoly, it’s crazy hard for those of us who have curated all our lives to let go things when we make these kinds of transitions. When I hear of people moving into assisted living, I can only imagine how hard it must be to downsize your life like that, but I guess most of us have to do it eventually. I suppose in a way it’s just another growing pain in life, like moving out if your childhood home, going off to school, or starting a new life in a new town. Hang in there, I hope the worst is over! I know you make your new place beautiful and comforting and amazing. Much love to you!
Thank you so much Kristie. Yes, it is brutally hard because I too have been a collector since childhood. The life style change that we craved though became more important to me than holding on to all the stuff in the big house. The final phase that I am calling phase three is still a work in progress and I hope I have the stomach to get through it.
Linda, loved hearing your experience.
I am wondering, though, how do you like living in a smaller space? How is apartment living compared to being a homeowner? Do you regret giving up your house?
Thanks for sharing the emotions of purging. I think I would feel the same way!
Hi Karen, we love our new freedom of living in a small apartment. I don’t miss the house one bit and I’m so happy we moved on and are now closer to the city and and all the amenities it offers. I DO miss my big beautiful walk in closet and all my wall space for art work but overall the trade off was worth it.
I feel your pain, Linda. It took us a full year to go through the initial clean-out process just to get our house on the market five years ago: 2 dumpsters, consignment, auction, gifting items, selling items for pennies (like you), donations to the library of 1,000 books, and shipping heirlooms to my niece in England. We moved from 2,900 sf to an 1,800 sf apartment with no storage, stayed there 4 1/2 years as we figured out our next step (building a new house), and before moving, we got rid of 16 more BIG boxes and 6 more pieces of furniture. We could still clean out more and I will do that once I’m ready to let go of the last items. It’s so hard and emotionally challenging. I used an organizer for all of those steps and she was a lifesaver. Thanks for sharing your pain. It’s a big step for any of us going through that transition, but worth it.
Thanks Gail. I agree, once it’s behind us I know it will be worth it but the downsizing process itself is SO HARD! I think I am mentally worn out from phase one and two but by Fall hopefully I’ll be ready to deal with phase three.
Linda, we are doing the same thing. We unexpectedly sold our house and quickly had to move out and into a downtown apartment. We have to make some lifestyle changes in order to purge some things, aka: kitchen & barware. ThinkIng that will happen on its own in the coming months as we get used to living in 1300 sq ft. Our second challenge is basic storage. I designed custom closets & bathrooms in our previous home that stored everything. We have no dressers, etc. Decisions on where to put things like jewelry, handbags, etc are paralyzing me. Also struggling with the boxes of photos. Did you scan yours and if so, what did you do with the originals?
Family heirlooms are so tough. I treasure things that were my grandparents’ and think about my future grandchildren. How special that portrait of your mother or sextant will be to yours one day. Although I’m with you on the costs of that storage unit- ouch! I have that, plus storing some things and that pile of “worth something, need to sell” in my studio.
Downsizing is definitely not for wimps, especially juggling with full time plus jobs. Good luck and good vibes to you.
Wow, so many similarities Debbie! We too had built-ins and custom storage in our last home. The closets in our rental are small and only have one wire rack with shelf. Like you, we had no dressers so we still have clothes and shoes in boxes on the floor. That’s my next big challenge. I went to the container store and bought as many helpful items as I could, like a jewelry holder that goes over the back of the closet door and clear plastic shoe boxes that can be stacked high on the one closet shelf but it is far from ideal and not nearly enough. I did not scan any photos and they are all in storage. Lot’s of work and decisions still lie ahead. Best of luck to you!!
What about donating some of it to historical societies or museums? I’m sure it’s a hassle to figure out who might want it, but that’s where history lives on… And you can still visit your stuff!
Thank you for this blog Linda. I realizing that what has made it easier for us is that I am an immigrant (with no heirloom anything) and Richard is a transplant from the South, there were with very few valuables to pass on. Picture albums are the ones I cannot toss and thevfew inherited books, a medical book with one chapter written by my father and a novel written by an aunt. Both in Hungarian! Still. I cherish these treasures.
Sounds like a very manageable amount of things to hang on to Mira. Photos are by far the hardest for me to toss.
Two of my SILs downsized. One was traumatic the other not so much. There’s no easy resolution to phase 3.
I think that’s true Linda. Phase 3 takes time to either let go or find a family member who wants the heirlooms.
Linda! Thanks for sharing these details of your downsizing. I am an optimist and think of your storage locker is a “breather,” a “transition.” Not a failure or a dirty little secret. Great advice! : ) Can’t wait to see pics of the new place!
Thanks Kelly. We are still in the “getting settled” mode but hopefully soon I’ll be in “decorating mode”. It’s challenging because it’s a rental so I am very limited as to what I can do.
Thanks for your honesty Linda. My husband and I are in our seventies now, and are already thinking of another move to a retirement community. What really brought it home for us was when last week we spent three hours in our neighbors garden pulling weeds, and quickly realized we were not up to the task. I can’t count the number of times we have downsized, and been through the process you went through. So I feel your pain. Sad thing is, we can’t take anything with us when we depart this life. and sadder still is that our children are not sentimental about those things that are precious to us. Have you considered writing a short book on your experiences? I think it would make interesting reading, and at the same time help others going through the same thing. Look forward to seeing what you have done with your new home:) All the best going forward Linda, keep smiling:)
I just found your much needed uplifting and honest article. We are in phase one of the right size process (love that word) and it DOES feel good to clear things out. On the other hand I spiral between excitement and anxiety as I go through this process because I know this is the beginning of the “slide” in our older years. We are both healthy, we feel young mentally, but it was our yard and gardens that took us down this oath. We simply cannot keep up with them anymore. Thanks for all your insights as it will prepare me for the tougher stages!
I have the utmost of respect for you. This is a huge indertaking and one done with consideration for your loved ones.
My MIL has an entire basement of personal treasures, papers, momentos, and boxes stacked up to the ceiling in her rural farm home. She is unwell now, and has left us with the burden to clean out her belongings.
I hope, over time, you feel start to feel joy in your current home.
My late mother and also my MIL left us in the same situation. Two, full to the rafters homes, that my husband and I had to deal with after they passed. It was a nightmare and a traumatic experience. I vowed I would never do that to my kids. One of the reasons to do this downsizing now is to get it behind us sooner rather than later when it will be even harder.
How about taking pictures of the things that you may not have room for any longer and sharing them on your blog? Like a virtual garage sale of sorts.. maybe your “online friends” may have some interest?
I think that’s a great idea Jennifer when I am ready to let go. Thanks!
We are going through the same thing! We just sent of a POD full of our stuff to storage while we put this house up on the market. The thing is, if that POD got swallowed up by the earth, we still have more than enough other stuff to live on and with. My husband is always urging me to get rid of my Christmas decorations (which I have purged twice) and dish collections. I have purged around three or four times. This last time really made me realize that I really have too much. My heart goes out to you with your down sizing! We have a giant needlepoint “nude” that my mother did and nobody in the family wants it, including my husband. She worked on it for years and was so proud of when she finally finished. I don’t have the heart to get rid of it. Sigh.
Hi Arell, yup, Christmas ornaments and China are two things I also have a slight problem with. You have the giant needlepoint nude, I have a giant (ugly) oil painting of a cabin in the woods that was my husband’s family cabin until it burned down. He won’t let me get rid of that painting but it is the ugliest thing. Just goes to show, treasured memories are different for everyone.
I totally get what you mean! Things are important because of the memories they hold or the dreams of what they can become. Not everyone feels this way, but for those of us who do, parting with our belongings is painful. You are very brave to imagine a different life for yourself and I hope that the discomfort will dissipate with time.
In the meantime, perhaps you can think of the cost of the storage unit as therapy – an investment in your emotional well-being. Thanks for sharing 🙂
I like that idea Allyson to think of the storage unit as an investment in my emotional well being! Thanks!
Linda – I feel your pain. I have downsized and moved 3 times in 4 years. I left Massachusetts for Toronto. We had to scale-down our furniture and leave our sprawling cape for a downtown Edwardian home with smaller rooms. We decided to do a major overhaul of furniture, and make it smaller scale and more flexible. We were just getting settled in Toronto when we got the missive to move to Western Canada. Our small-scale furniture fit in our next house, and even worked with the mid-Western architecture. This is where I stalled. We moved boxes that had not been opened at all during our 16-month pit stop in Toronto. (In there, we sold our cottage and moved the items to our kids’ place in downtown Boston). I have been bogged down by family heirlooms (slowly passing them along to my siblings) and PHOTO ALBUMS!!! I have bins full of photos. My son showed me how to digitally scan photos using Google — what a lifesaver!! This is a long, slow process. The other thing that bogs me down are the Christmas decorations — we have bins of ornaments (many gifted from family members). Finally, we have electric cords, cables, HDMI cords and the like that we have collected over the years. You are right, the first pass is the easiest. It is the sentimental stuff (5 silver trays!!!) that is difficult to deal with. Gearing up for our next (and hopefully final) move to a condo. The learning for me is: your kids don’t want your stuff… I love your stories and hopefully your digital record of these keepsakes, along with the story will allow you to shed some of these items. Thanks for sharing your journey. I hope to meet you some day!
Wow! Kudos to you Sheila! I don’t think I could do what you’ve done. I too have boxes of Christmas ornaments in storage. There is no place for a tree of any kind in our small apartment so I know they won’t come out this year. They are all treasures to me because each one was thoughtfully purchased , inherited, or handmade. I dread going through those boxes and purging.
I love your Mom’s portrait!! So cute. I hope your children take a few things to help you. They are treasures. I still love having a lot of my Mom’s things. Some I can’t believe I have toss because they are really falling apart or such, but I don’t miss them. I still keep a lot of good stuff.
Definitely keeping the portrait. Will slowly go through everything else once the trauma settles of everything else I already gave away.
Linda, this article truly hits home for me. We are in the midst of a downsize from a 5,000 sqft home where we raised our four boys for the past 19 years. The clean-out was hideous, and it took a year to sell. We’re in a rental while we look to find our next home, so we’re living with boxes so I don’t have to unpack and re-pack too much. The transition (and not knowing where I’m going from here) is what’s so difficult for me. I know that living lighter and simpler will be a welcome relief. I’d just like to get on with the part of this process that’s supposed to be the fun part — settling into a new house and making it feel like home. And yet I’m not sure when that’ll be. I’ll be an empty-nester in the fall so I’m sentimental about that, too. I realize it’s all a problem of privledge as they say, so I don’t want to complain, and yet the transitions are so difficult for this creature of habit. Best of luck to you in your journey.
I agree Courtney, living in a rental is challenging because most likely your situation is similar to ours in that the finishes are dated and you can’t do much to make it your own. We also don’t know where we want to buy next so renting seems to make the most sense but I can’t see staying here for much more than a year or two. Best of luck with your clean out as well. In the end it will all work out!
Problem of privilege is a wonderful way of stating it! We don’t know where we are going either, or when…but assume within the year. Butterflies are always present in my stomach as I go through all of this letting go!
My MIL moved into an assisted living facility last week and we’ve been cleaning out her condo to get it ready to sell. What a nightmare…so many things none of her 5 kids need or want. So many items wrapped in paper towels and then in Saran Wrap for storage…it’s been a magical mystery tour….I swore we wouldn’t take much because we don’t need more “stuff” but I now have a pair of sterling candle sticks and a huge serving platter. And two glue guns. And more. Much more. (I guess I’m weaker than I thought!). Now I have to begin the purge of my own house because I know we’ll be moving in the next year or so (because of my husband’s work and it will mean renting someplace small because we won’t want to stay there after retirement). So our 2400sf colonial with a full walk-up attic, an unfinished room over the garage and a basement- all filled with boxes and furniture and enough serving equipment for a caterer…and our kids’ stuff and some from other family members… all has
to be gone through….and I’m overwhelmed even thinking about it. I’m sure the kids won’t want all these “treasures” we’ve amassed over the years. So I’m going to have to be brutal and toss or donate almost everything. I don’t want my kids to have to go through what we are, doing it for my MIL and knowing we’ll have to do it again when my dad goes should be enough of a deterrent….right?
Diane, your story is so similar to mine. My trauma came 12 years ago cleaning out my parent’s home after they passed and a few years before that my MIL’s home. If I only knew when I was feverishly shopping and collecting what a nightmare the consequences would be I would have saved a ton of time and money.
I can’t imagine what this will be like. I had a hard enough time downsizing my design studio, most of which were samples that were outdated and catalogs unused. I tried to clean out my closet a bit today, I had two big bags of shoes and clothes I hadn’t worn in years and well, it didn’t look like I did anything. 🙂 Hopefully you do feel lighter and like the really hard work is behind you for the most part! Thanks for sharing your story!
Carla, I would advise you at least start thinking about it even if you have no immediate plans to downsize. Unless you plan to leave all the work to your kids it has to be done eventually.
Oh my goodness, great article and it sure hit home for me. I have been going thru the same thing this year, from 6000 square foot house to a 2000. Lots of family heirlooms and children ‘s keepsakes and 33 years of marriage stuff moved from house to house in the past. (Houses with “dumping ground basements”) I did the same as you and found out that it is a process, a long and tiring one. Not to mention the guilt involved in getting rid of the family pieces. But, you have to look at the end result of an easier lifestyle with less clutter and less to take care of. After the initial emotional pain of letting go, I found out that I didn’t miss any of the items and I felt much freer and more clear headed. So….I really recommend it, go clutter-free, just know that it will be hard both physically and emotionally, but it’s so well worth it in the end. Your life is meant to be enjoyed and not burdened!
Thanks Celine for commenting. It really is stressful especially with the family heirlooms. I’m glad to hear you don’t miss anything. I hope that will be my case too once it is all completed and this ordeal is behind me.
When my MIL and FIL downsized to a 1-bedroom apartment after 55 years of marriage, it was traumatic for her. She got through phase 1, but stalled on phase 2. She sent her 4 children lists of items and furniture and asked us to initial beside items we wanted. Where more than one person wanted an item we flipped a coin. Like you, most big old furniture from “the farm” was sold, which was sad. The kids, (all of us in our 50s and 60s) all received huge “care packages”. We live across country so ours was all packed in her Lane hope chest and shipped. Of course she put in extra things she could not bear to part with, and passed on the horrible task to us. Keep it because Mom loved it or toss it? Now my husband and I are in phase 1. I am dreading phase 2, but it helps to read what you and others have done. Thank you for sharing this.
My best advice Pam is to take your time and get started sooner rather than later. I know not everyone has a close attachment to things but in my case it was really difficult to let go of many of my treasured collections.
Thanks for your candor, and for letting us see the real side of downsizing. I have gone from a full size suburban family house through a series of condos or apartments in various cities to a one bedroom, small apartment. It was painful, and I still miss things. The one consolation I have had is that my mother died unexpectedly, leaving a big house, stuffed full. I would never want my kids to go through what my sister and I did, dealing with it all through a time of grief.
One of my primary reasons for doing this now Ellen is that like you, both my mother and mother in law left us the huge ordeal of clearing out their homes after they passed. I vowed I would never do that to my kids. I will never forget the stress and trauma of cleaning out those big houses stuffed with memorabilia.
I’ve lived in the same house for 34 years and in the last 4 1/2 years I’ve “downsized” by getting rid of the things. My husband is in assisted living and will never need some of the stuff he’d saved. I slowly went through every closet and the garage and gave stuff to the kids or gave it away to friends or Habitat. Now I just have all my “stuff”! That includes a lot of tole painted pieces my mother painted that I feel bad getting rid of! I know my kids/grandkids will want some of it but not all. I’ve already told my oldest granddaugther she can have my MIL’s china and her sister is going to take my mother’s silver. Unfortunately they are either living at home or on campus so it will stay at my house for now! I’m making a photo diary of all the “heirlooms” passed on from my mother or MIL so the kids will know the history of anything that has an emotional value even if there is little monetary value.. I have already decided that the 1901 tintype of my grandfather will go to my oldest daughter. My mother was the oldest and so am I so i’m making it a tradition to pass it on to the oldest girl in the family. I don’t envy your task of emptying the storage units!
Hi Nancy, you are so fortunate you have family members that want some of those treasured heirlooms. I think that’s what hardest for me in that my kids want nothing. They are only in their 2o’s so they might change their mind once they have a house of their own but we can’t hold on to the storage lockers and wait for that possibility.
Linda, this was such a wonderful article about our generation and how painful it is to downsize. It helps me with my customer base and how they are thinking. When I go to market now, I try only to buy products that will retail around $50 – $75 price range. That way it’s not as painful for us to donate these items. I cried as I read so much of this, as it is so painful to part with these treasures from the past.
Hi Debbie, Thanks so much for commenting. If only I could go back in time and tell my 30-50 year old self that all the “stuff” I continued to buy and collect would all have to go. Now like you I can barely stomach to buy anything. I had to go buy shower curtain rigs for the new apartment and had a slight anxiety attack just walking around the store and seeing all the worthless crap that people were loading up their carts with. Neveragain!
What a wonderful article. My husband and I are currently downsizing by selling our lake home and moving full time to our desert home. For me a lifetime of memories to sort through. Did it twice before but what’s left is difficult to choose what stays and what goes, for me anyway. My husband would just junk it or give it all away. No sentimentality there. At least I know it’s not just me. Thanks again for the thoughts.
Hi Joan, thanks for commenting. I think we all have different levels of emotional attachment. Some of the things I had the hardest time letting go of were worth nothing but memories. My husband, like yours is also not attached to 99% of our things. He too would just toss it all if left to him.
Just a thought: have you tried selling things to vendors in an antique mall?
Or someone who paints furniture to update it, whether to keep or flip?
This is what I do in Texas, but we always want a good/fantastic deal 😏!
Hi Paula, All great ideas but at this point too much time and work involved in doing that. Plus, like you said, everyone wants a bargain which means the work and time will not be worth it.
Linda, if you could part with these things you’d have done it by now. Regardless of $$ value, they are real treasures such as very few Americans have. But if something’s in a storage locker, you’ve already lost it. It’s doing no one any good and it’s losing financial value. So don’t think about how to get rid of your heirlooms; instead, start taking them back. Once a week, either check your inventory list or actually visit your storage locker, and pick the one thing you love most. Have it spruced up, take it to your new home, and figure out how to display and enjoy it there. The next week, do this again with the next piece. Eventually you’ll reach a point where your new home is too full to take any more–and you’re the only judge of what “too full” is. Then you’ll know you’ve reached the proper balance, and you can donate the rest of the storage locker to historic societies, small house museums, alumi house, etc. When I downsized I found a local community theater group with a big storage garage, and they were thrilled to take most of my things for future use as props. Treat this weekly choice as seriously as a medical appointment, because it’s a sacred duty to your ancestors and your children –who’ll know, from the fact that you displayed them and used them, that these were the real treasures. Wishing you every success in joy in your new home!
I am living this hell of which you speak. Today is our final day to box up items as we transition from a 5,000 sq. ft. waterfront home to an under 1,200 sq. ft. 18th floor apartment. Like you, we didn’t have a yard sale. I’ve taken daily loads to local thrift stores and consignment shops. I’ve sold some items through a neighborhood app. We’ve given a few family heirlooms to relatives, but none of our four adult children have much space in their small urban apartments for massive armoires and our San Francisco-based daughter literally just thanked me for not burdening her with our antiques. So, most of our possessions are in two storage units, packed to the brim. This process has been exhausting. I cannot wait for the ordeal to be in my rearview window. The upside is more freedom to travel – to SEE those adult kids living in Atlanta, DC and San Francisco. And in our case, more cash to inject into our 8.5 acre country home on the beautiful Piankatank River. But I have to keep reminding myself that I’ll never have another 5,000 sq. ft. home again.
Hi Susan, Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing. All I can say to make you feel better is that it does get easier. We are now moved out of both storage units. It was a HUGE amount of both time and money (not to mentionn the financial loss). I wouldn’t be honest if I said I don’t miss things about my big house (as well as some of my belongings) but I wouldn’t change anything given the chance. I love our new smaller condo and the freedom from yard work, and house maintenance is wonderful. Hang in there and the joy will come once the pain of the process is behind you. Best of luck!
It’s comforting to read that I’m not alone. We down sized, our new home is much smaller and much older ,and it needed a complete remodel. Closet’s are WAY TOO SMALL! Most of our furniture doesn’t fit. It has been a process. Thankfully we pawned some furniture off to one son. My other 2 children said, no thanks. But, I’m happy to report after 1 year we are still married and enjoying our new neighborhood and new, older home. I brought my daughter to our large storage unit to help me sort and move to a small unit. She opened boxes , looked through and said you can pay to store this stuff or toss / donate it now. Just so you know, when you die, I’m throwing it all away. I don’t want any of this ! Her fresh eyes and humor helped me put it back in perspective and part with a lot. Also knowing, re-realizing …I don’t want to burden my kids with having to sort through our life’s accumliation of “stuff”.
I’m in the middle of my move. Because of covid-19 no place for me to donate. City is closed. So valuable items got tossed. My kids wanted nothing. Grandchildren too young and they don’t have room. No storage taking too much with me. Will have to downsize again once I land again. Accidentally tossed things that I can’t replace. They don’t make them any longer. I looked online. Being disabled makes shopping difficult.
Sometimes I think that I will go mad. Packing boxes means I pay someone. Last time I moved was 45 years ago and I wasn’t disabled. And my husband was alive and helped, and he did more than half I had a newborn. My son is there but it is hard. He works and has a family.
Oh Brenda, I am so sorry. This does sound overwhelming. Downsizing is hard even under the best of circumstances but doing it through Covid is an added pressure snd stress. Hopefully now that the vaccine is here things will be improving soon and you will be able to sell and donate without trouble. Hang in there because in the end it will be worth it. I wish you all the best.
Won’t be waiting…move is in two weeks. I’ll just have to be strong. And wishing I had a storage locker is not useful. Sounds whiny. Even if true. And things in a locker unless it’s things like tires are inappropriate. But I can’t have those things because I don’t have a locker. See, whiny. But it would of solved some problems. But having more time would have as well. Thanks for your kind words.
Two weeks! Oh that is tough. Well hopefully as painful as these next two weeks will be, the end result of a new home with less things to take care of will all be worth it. Sending you all my best Brenda that you find the strength to get through it.
I stumbled across this post today as I was googling “depression due to downsizing.” I’m 39 years old and have a husband and a 5 year old daughter. We’re making a huge lifestyle change and moving 700 miles away this summer. Almost 3 years ago we built our dream house in our hometown near land I grew up on. My husband also built (with his own two hands!) an office for his law practice around the same time. Now that we’ve gone through the first year of shutdowns from the pandemic we’ve realized a few things. We don’t want to expand our family and we really don’t like living in this climate anymore! We have 4600 sq ft of space at home, 1200 sq ft at the office and a HUGE amount of storage in our basement. Each space is filled to the brim! I’m the oldest child and grandchild, my parents are divorced and my father is deceased. I’ve inherited every family heirloom, photo album, China set, Christmas ornament, antique, you name I have it. I feel so young to be going through this. Thank you for your article. I especially enjoyed reading all the comments! Our next house has no basement and no easily accessible storage. I’ve been dreading how I will make it all “work.” Your article really enlightened me on how to break it down in to phases and what each stage may entail emotionally. I thought I was going crazy feeling grief and anxiety over this otherwise very exciting and thrilling new chapter for our family. You’ve given me the courage to get rid of these items and also to stop my conspicuous consumption now and in the future. We really can’t take one single thing with us when we die. Maybe memories? I want to make plenty of them! Fun ones! Not memories of me cleaning and managing all of our possessions instead of playing outside with my daughter or making my husband run errands to buy more junk when we’re supposed to be on a date. Thank you again for your candid story. You’ve saved me a lot of tears!!!
Oh my goodness Holly, as hard as it all is, I wish so much I would have known what I do now when I was your age. Consider yourself so lucky that you can do it now and have a happy, clutter free life going forward. My kids are early 30’s and I hope they have learned my painful lesson of having to sort through years and years of possessions, mostly of which were inherited. Bravo to you for dealing with it now and not passing it on to your own daughter to one day be overwhelmed. I applaud you but please know, it is a process and sometimes it’s not easy. You can do it!!!
I plucked up the courage to finally put my house on the market now my children have lives of their own. Im downsizing as nearing retirement. I. stfuvgling go fjnx anything that’s me, in my budget. I .moved to my present home 23 yes ago as a single parent of 3. children newly divorced. I’ve worked so hard to creste this ho.e and as a creative person I’m find it so hard to know I ca t take many fav furniture with me. I’ve been feeling a real sense of mourning
and become depressed and mentally exhausted.
Finding this blog has made .e realise I’m not going mad! Thank you!
I’ve enjoyed reading this article and the comments. I googled “Why does downsizing suck?” and found your article. Yesterday we finished the move, and even after months of downsizing our belongings, it’s clear that we still don’t fit in the much smaller spaces. I don’t know how many times I have cried, felt overwhelmed, and taken over by waves of anxiety during the downsizing process, even though that’s not my normal way of being. I feel traumatized. That said, I feel I will eventually get through this and gear up for downsizing even further. I don’t want to be weighed down by my stuff, and furthermore, don’t want to weigh down my children with my stuff. For what I haven’t released yet, I am planning to have “use it and lose it” parties, where I use the item (e.g., the panini maker) and then someone takes it home. Things are meant to be used and not sit in a closet somewhere. Cheers to all of us who have gone through or are going through this transition.
What happens when our stuff is in storage in a family business & oh yes family will so they say put on trademe the couches u can’t use but it’s been 3 weeks & they still sitting at work, others don’t understand & say can’t u ask them to do it.
Yes I could but it’s not the asking it’s getting them too.
We still have shovels & rakes from last house that are my brothers but vows & declares they aren’t his so tomorrow early I am gng to put them outside the scout hall & at least it gets them out of the garage.
One thing downsizing another when family won’t do what they say, another being stuck in a horrid house.
I have severe trauma over being bullied a lot too, work, school & family.
I not allowed to go to therapy as it’s too much money.
Any wonder why we drink alcohol